


Every Mourning

by AcyrasWorld



Series: Pain Shared Is Pain Lessened [1]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst, Asami can't sleep, F/F, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Korra just wants to help in her Korra way, Post ROTE comics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, lots of angst and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcyrasWorld/pseuds/AcyrasWorld
Summary: Korra learns that Asami deals with a lot of nightmares and tries her hardest to fix the unfixable.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Series: Pain Shared Is Pain Lessened [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190453
Comments: 5
Kudos: 111





	Every Mourning

Naga was Korra’s longest and best friend, no question about it. But sometimes, the polar bear dog’s sleeping sounds were just a bit too…intense. For years, Naga sometimes slept outside her door or with the air bison or anywhere she pleased – close enough to feel safe and content but not too close to disrupt her master’s precious sleep. Well, that old routine went out the window since the Avatar had gotten hurt and especially since she’d returned to Republic City for good. Now, there was no way Naga would sleep anywhere but in Korra’s room.

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Korra mumbled tiredly, only half-conscious. She listened to Naga’s soft whimpers in her sleep, too fond of her animal companion to rouse her from what sounded like a nice dream.

Taking a deep breath, Korra turned away from the noise and blindly reached a hand out into the darkness next to her, snuggling closer into the pillow. But all she found was a cold, empty sheet underneath her fingertips. For a second, she thought she was going crazy in her dazed state. Did Asami go back to her place last night? But no, Korra definitely remembered them going to bed together here on Air Temple Island in Korra’s room. Instantly feeling more awake, she opened one eye to inspect the space next to her. Yup, she was alone.

Groaning, Korra sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. She rubbed at her eyes and scanned the room, illuminated dimly by the moonlight outside. Then she stood, walking over to Naga and gently bumping her enormous paw with her foot. The animal instantly jerked awake, blinking up at her master. Korra rubbed Naga’s head affectionately, one pair of sleepy eyes meeting another.

“Sorry to wake you, girl, but I could use your help."

It didn’t take long for Naga to find Asami. Korra followed her through the hallways with a small flame in her palm to guide them, careful not to let the large animal cause too much noise this late at night. Finally, Naga sniffed at the door to the common area.

Asami’s eyes instantly found hers when Korra opened the doors. She was still in her nightgown, barefoot. “Hey, what are you doing up?”

Naga lazily trotted over to Asami, collapsing next to where she sat and putting her head on the papers on the table in front of her.

“Excuse me, I still need those,” she chided the animal but still ran her fingers through the soft fur atop Naga’s head. Naga closed her eyes, sleepily enjoying the attention.

Korra stood in front of them, folding her arms in front of her chest.

Asami met her girlfriend’s gaze. “What?”

“This is the third time in two weeks, you know.” Korra thought for a moment. “Actually, it might be the fourth time. I’m losing count.”

Asami averted her eyes, focusing on Naga instead. “I know but I couldn’t sleep so I thought I could look over some paperwork for the meeting with a new client tomorrow. It’s a complex contract and I need to make sure I got all the details right.”

Korra rubbed her face. “Okay, that sounds important but can you please come back to bed and finish this tomorrow? How do you plan on surviving a full work day with little to no sleep?”

Asami shrugged, captivated by the way Naga’s deep breaths were moving some of the paper sheets on the table. “I’ll manage. I always do.”

Nodding slowly, Korra walked around the table and gently pushed Naga’s head off of it. The polar bear dog huffed, clearly annoyed, before hoisting herself up and leaving the room entirely – presumably to go back to Korra’s room and back to sleep. Korra then gathered the paperwork together, shoving it into a semi-neat pile just out of Asami’s reach.

“No more work tonight.”

Then she sat down next to her, grabbing her hand.

“Will you at least tell me why you keep leaving me in the middle of the night?” She searched those emerald eyes for answers, concern swimming in her own. “What’s going on?”

“I’m fine, I promise,” Asami said. “I’m still catching up with some stuff that came up while we were in the Earth Kingdom. This just sometimes happens when I’m stressed, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Too late,” Korra mumbled with a frown.

Asami rolled her eyes. She leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Korra’s cheek, squeezing her hand.

“Fine,” she sighed. “Let’s go back to bed.”

* * *

It took Korra almost a full week after that to figure out what really kept Asami up at night. And to be honest, she should have known, should have seen this coming.

Today, Korra and Asami had spontaneously decided to spend their precious night off at Asami’s place for a change. Sure, Mako and Bolin’s family still resided there, at least some of them, but Asami still very much lived there as well. So tonight, the two of them had cooked dinner together on Asami’s floor of the main mansion before spending the evening with the latest mover that Asami had set up in her private screening room. It was nice to spend a night in, just the two of them. No friends, no politicians, no obligations – and most importantly, no Meelo practicing his battle cries every five minutes. They fell asleep late that night wrapped up in each other with blissful smiles on their faces, both knowing they’d found their home in the other after so many years of searching.

The bone-chilling scream that ripped Korra out of her deep slumber was nearly enough to trigger the Avatar state right then and there. She shot up in bed, heart racing.

“Asami?”

Korra fumbled to turn on the light as Asami’s sobs filled the room. Of course, she’d seen Asami cry many times before but it was rare that she had seen her this hysterical. For some reason, the sight momentarily calmed Korra’s mind. After that scream, she was relieved to see there were no burglars killing her girlfriend in her sleep. But this calmness only lasted for a second.

“Hey, hey, you’re okay,” Korra cooed, reaching over to touch her girlfriend’s arm. “Asami, please, look at me.”

It took a moment but when Asami did as she was told, she froze for a moment, a sob stuck in her throat. Korra took that opportunity to pull her into her lap, trying to comfort her. But it instantly triggered another wave of hysterical cries as Asami clung to her body, burying her face in Korra’s midsection. Korra’s heart was hammering against her ribcage as she grappled to understand what was happening. She decided to let Asami cry for another couple minutes, stroking her hair and telling her what she hoped were loving affirmations. Anything to calm her down, really.

“’Sami, please, stop crying,” she pleaded after a while. “What happened? Did you have a bad dream again? I thought they had stopped. Asami?”

Asami didn’t move but her sobs eventually quieted down until they were just small sniffles. Korra rubbed her back in soothing circles, feeling every tense muscle through the thin fabric of her nightshirt.

“I’m sorry.” Asami took a shaky breath. “For waking you. I’m sorry.”

She sounded exhausted, her voice hoarse and muffled against the fabric of Korra’s tank top.

“Talk to me,” Korra prompted gently. “What did you see?”

Asami squeezed her waist one last time before finally sitting up. Korra reached up to wipe a few remaining tears from her cheeks and Asami closed her eyes, lip quivering again at the touch. When she opened them again, they were a brilliant green, shining in the light of the lamp behind them. She swallowed hard.

“Your body, it was so broken,” she muttered, clutching her hands to her chest. “You were trying to get up and fight back but you couldn’t. I don’t know if it was Kuvira’s doing or Zaheer or….and then my father, he was still alive and took one of my modified hummingbird mechs and just,” she squeezed her eyes shut again, shaking her head as if to get rid of the mental image, “squished you to death almost the same way he-“

She cut herself off, biting her lip. Korra ran a hand through her own hair, unsure of what to do or say. She knew that initially after her father’s death, Asami had had quite a few bad nights like this but they hadn’t talked much about it these last few months. It was never quiet for long for them. They had just gotten back from Gaoling last month and then the trial...

“Hey, it’s okay,” Korra said softly. “I’m perfectly fine and in one piece. See?”

She made Asami look at her, smiling and hoping it would do the job. Asami shook her head.

“This is getting ridiculous,” she sniffled.

“What is?” Korra rested one hand on her thigh but Asami didn’t seem to notice, lost in her own mind.

“Hey.”

Korra cupped her face with her free hand and Asami leaned into her touch.

“It’s because of Kuvira and what happened with Guan, isn’t it?” she wondered out loud. Then it dawned on her. “Ever since we came back you’ve been having trouble with the nightmares again.”

“Maybe.” Asami shrugged her shoulders. “They never really went away, not for long at least. But they also tend to be worse when I’m here.”

Korra dropped her hand. Of course. The Sato estate wasn’t exactly filled with pleasant memories for her. And now that Korra was thinking about it, Asami did tend to suggest Air Temple Island for sleepovers an awful lot, especially since they came back from the last mission.

“Do you want to go back to the Temple?” She looked over to where Naga was sitting near the bed, watching them, high on alert after all the commotion. “Let’s take Naga and –“

“No, it’s late. Don’t be silly.” Asami smiled weakly. “I appreciate it, though.”

“What do you need then?” Korra frowned. “What can I do?”

Asami sighed, wiping at her puffy eyes. She smiled sadly, clearly still shaken up, and finally reached for Korra’s hand on her thigh.

“Just hold me and I’ll be fine,” she said. “I promise.”

Korra didn’t buy it and they both knew it but after all this time together, Korra also knew to pick her battles. She nodded and turned the lights back off. When she got comfortable again under the covers, Asami snuggled into her chest, pressing her face into Korra’s neck. Korra wrapped her arms around her, pulling the duvet close around their bodies.

“I love you,” she whispered into Asami’s hair. “And I’m sorry you have to deal with this.”

Another shaky breath against her neck. “I love you, too.”

* * *

A few days later after yet another night that got interrupted by unpleasant dreams, Asami was out the door and on her way to work before Korra even got out of bed. It’s not that Korra regularly had the luxury of sleeping in but sometimes Asami just had to be at the office early. CEO duties. In contrast, Korra had a relatively slow day today. She visited Tenzin and spent the morning training with the airbenders. Tenzin loved to remind her that her airbending was still by far the weakest of all the elements and that “Korra-style” wouldn’t fly any longer. Three years of barely developing her bending probably hadn’t helped, she assumed. So, considering how much she still had to learn, Tenzin was hell-bent on getting her up to a master level these next few years.

Her lunch break with the brothers was much needed after hours upon hours of focusing on the tiniest of wrist movements that always seemed to ruin the “perfect technique” her mentor wanted her to nail. Oh, well. She met the brothers in the city center at a food place close to the police station to make things more convenient for Mako. It was nice. They talked about their days, Bolin’s latest job hunt adventures - the usual catchup between good friends. But despite the pleasant company, Korra’s mind kept drifting off towards last night.

“You okay?” Mako asked her eventually, eyebrows raised. “You seem off.”

Kora sighed. “Can I ask you guys for relationship advice?”

She hadn’t meant to actually bring it up but now that they’d asked…she might as well get their input. After all, they knew Asami almost as well as Korra did.

“I mean, I’m clearly the more qualified person for this kinda thing but sure.” Bolin elbowed Mako as he grinned at her. “Ask away, Avatar.”

“She barely sleeps through the night lately but she won’t really talk to me about it,” she explained. “I tried but she just…shuts me out. But it’s getting worse and she’s sleeping less and less because of it and I’m worried.”

Mako frowned. “Nightmares?”

Korra nodded. “She says it’s mostly about her dad or me or a weird combination of the two. But sometimes it’s you guys and even Tenzin’s kids. Last night it was about her mom actually. I don’t know. She’s not getting the rest she needs and it’s horrible to watch. What do I do?”

Bolin scratched his non-existent beard. “Opal says Pema has special herbs for the kids. Knocks them right out. How about that?”

Mako rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if that would help with any nightmares.”

“Oh, I’m really tired after working up a sweat all day,” Bolin continued. “Tell her to try working out more so she’s too tired to think about all the bad stuff.”

Mako shook his head again. “That’s not gonna fix it either, Bo.”

Bolin crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t see you offering any helpful advice, Mako.”

“Maybe it’s just all the stress and she needs a vacation,” Korra mumbled, more to herself than the brothers. “It’s been a rough couple of months.”

“Maybe,” Mako shrugged. “But remember what helped you with dealing with your past? Confronting it head on.”

“And how would she do that? Should I take her to Zaofu to see Kuvira to talk it out? I don’t think so.”

The mere thought of Kuvira possibly making things even worse right now made Korra’s blood boil. Eventually, they could maybe talk but definitely not now. Not on Korra’s watch. Despite where she personally stood with Kuvira, she wouldn’t forget how much pain and suffering she caused.

Mako crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You said she dreams about her dad a lot. Maybe start there.”

Korra made a face. “So, you want me to take her to the cemetery? Do I need to remind you what happened the last time we were there?”

Asami might have snapped at them right after Hiroshi’s funeral. It had been a rather difficult day, to say the least. They’d never ever seen Asami like that. She was always kind and composed, rarely ever getting snippy with anybody. But not that day. Mako and Bolin both looked like they remembered just as well as Korra did. That wasn’t something anyone would want to see again.

“Maybe that’s part of the problem,” Mako mumbled.

Korra wanted to tease him for looking so deep in thought, like this was one of his cases he needed to crack. But she didn’t. He was trying to help her, after all.

“I’d ask Tenzin, if it’s really a problem,” Bolin finally filled the silence. “And no, not just because of Pema’s special herbs.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Mako added. “Or maybe it’s just one of those things that will go away eventually.”

* * *

In the hour she had left before she was supposed to be back at Air Temple Island, Korra decided to swing by Asami’s office. She often did this, even if it was just for a couple minutes to say hi and ask Asami about her day. Instead of navigating the countless stairs and corridors in Future Industries’ tower, Korra opted to fly up to Asami’s office with her glider. She found her girlfriend slumped over her work at her desk, alone at the moment.

Korra opened the window from the outside, making Asami jump in her seat at the sudden noise.

“Sorry,” Korra smiled, walking over to her. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

Asami smiled back at her, letting Korra plant a kiss on her cheek. “Hey, you.”

“Rough day?” Korra gestured to the folders all over Asami’s desk.

Asami shrugged. “Regular day, actually.”

“You holding up alright, then?” Korra stood behind her, massaging her girlfriend’s tense shoulders. “Or do I need to speak with your assistant again to get you to take more breaks?”

Asami leaned into her hands but rolled her eyes. “You know, I was doing just fine before you started babying me, right? I do own and run this entire company.”

Korra waved her hand dismissively. “Everyone likes to be babied sometimes. Even you.”

When Asami didn’t say anything in turn, Korra spun her around in her fancy office chair. Her features softened when she saw the dark circles under Asami’s eyes, barely concealed despite her makeup.

“How about you take a couple days off and we just, I don’t know, go somewhere,” Korra blurted out. “You can just drive us up into the mountains to that cabin of yours for a day, for all I care. But maybe a break would be nice, don’t you think?”

Asami smiled up at her. “That does sound really nice but I can’t just leave, not right now. And neither can you, _Avatar_.”

“If we had a sudden mission, like tonight, you would be able to leave just like that,” she argued.

“Yes, that kind of mission would be an actual reason to abandon my company for a while,” Asami countered. “Do you see the difference?”

Korra shook her head. “This is an important reason, too.”

Asami opened her mouth to retort but Korra beat her to it.

“I can make something up, if you feel better about it then. Some super-secret Avatar mission.”

Asami laughed. “No offense, but you’re a terrible liar. They’d see right through you, especially if you’re only bringing your girlfriend on your secret mission.”

Korra felt heat rising to her cheeks and ears. “It wouldn’t be like _that_. I mean…not that I would be opposed to – but you know that’s not what I meant. Obviously.”

Asami raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “Uh-huh.”

Korra cleared her throat. “What were we talking about again?”

Asami spun back around in her chair, looking over her paperwork.

“You were about to tell me what you want to cook for me tonight and then you wanted to let me finish my work so I can actually go home tonight and be there for said dinner.”

Korra frowned, walking around the desk and casually leaning on its edge.

“Actually, I was thinking we go back to Air Temple Island for tonight. You said you sleep better there.”

Asami raised her eyes to meet Korra’s. She shook her head.

“I don’t mind, Korra. It’s my home so it’s fine.”

“Well, I mind. So, would that be okay? Tenzin already invited us for dinner.”

“So, what you’re saying is you already decided this and don’t really want my input?”

Korra was a bit taken aback by the sudden accusation, the sharp tone in her voice. She held her hands up in defense.

“No, of course you get to decide. I’m just trying to fix your sleep problem.”

Asami sighed. “Korra, I love you and I’m sorry about last night and all the nights before that but this isn’t your problem to solve.”

“But-“

“I mean it.”

They stared each other down for a moment, Asami all but daring her to argue back again. Finally, Korra stood and took her glider.

“I’ll be at Air Temple Island until tonight. We can talk about it later, I guess.” She gave Asami a quick kiss and then walked to the window again, pausing. “I’m just worried about you. Remember that.”

With that, she jumped out the window before Asami could reply.

* * *

The following days made it pretty obvious that Asami felt bad about shutting Korra’s efforts down the way she’d done. And yet, Korra still couldn’t get her to talk about it, not really. So, it was only inevitable that things would blow up right in their faces after a particularly bad night. They’d gone nightmare-free since the previous incident but now Korra had spent over an hour trying to coax Asami back to sleep in the middle of the night, resulting in both of them looking like death warmed over in the morning. As a result, Asami only did half a day at Future Industries, returning to Air Temple Island in the afternoon after her assistant – an old family friend she’d known most of her life – had urged her to take the rest of the day off.

“Oh, Asami!” Bolin called when she entered the room. Team Avatar as well as Jinora and Kai were lounging around one of the dining tables in the common area. “Great timing. We were just about to head to the gardens to do a little hand-to-hand combat session. You’re our expert for that, so what do you say?”

Korra bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from grinning at how overwhelmed her girlfriend looked with all of that Bolin energy thrown at her first thing.

“Uh, sure.” Asami gave him a smile and pointed over her shoulder. “Do I at least get to have a cup of tea first or…?”

She didn’t. Bolin and Kai were too excited to train without their bending to wait. So, barely twenty minutes later, the whole group found themselves in the training grounds, putting on some sparring gear.

“Ready, Avatar?” Asami smirked, stretching her legs and cracking her knuckles.

Korra raised her padded arms. “Born ready.”

As they began to circle each other and warm up, Korra smirked and held her arms closer to her body, pushing her chest up quite a bit. Asami’s eyes inevitably darted down for just a split second and Korra chose that moment to launch her first proper attack. Asami dodged it but frowned nonetheless, muttering something under her breath. Korra did her best not to do a full-on victory dance before she’d even actually won the round.

Jinora had insisted on being partners with Mako to test some theory of hers, something that didn’t seem to sit well with Kai at all. He consistently got his ass handed by Bolin because he was too busy looking over at his girlfriend. But she was holding her ground against a guy easily twice her size.

“Yes!”

Well, until she momentarily got distracted by Bolin’s victorious screech and Mako knocked her right off her usually swift feet. Jinora smiled up at him, accepting his hand to pull her up.

“Korra, I think you should tell dad more about firebending stances,” she said excitedly. “They’re very similar to some airbending moves so it might help with your training.”

Korra relaxed for a moment, looking at Jinora quizzically. “But we’re not even bending right now.”

The next second, she landed flat on her back on the ground with a low grunt. Asami looked very pleased with herself.

“That was payback for cheating. I win.”

“What? I didn’t cheat!”

Asami helped her up, shaking her head with a smile. “You know exactly what you did and I’ll remember that.”

Jinora snapped her fingers at them impatiently, getting Korra’s attention.

“Watch us for a second, will you?”

Her and Mako showed them pretty much the same sequence from before.

“You’re right. He’s almost as graceful as you are.” Korra paused. “Did not expect to ever call Mako graceful.”

Asami and Jinora giggled. He shot them a look, cheeks a deep red.

“Hey, I can be graceful. I know how to dance and stuff.”

They trained for a bit longer until the sun was beginning to set. Well, and Kai and Bolin’s stomachs growled loudly. The others started packing up their stuff but Korra grabbed Asami’s hand before she could leave with them.

“Let’s keep going! I’m really getting the hang of that awesome ninja flip kick you showed me.”

Asami pursed her lips. “Korra, I had a long day…”

“Come on, this is good for you.” Korra tugged at her arm.

“It is?”

“Sure.” Korra shrugged. “Working up a sweat is always good.”

“I don’t know.” Asami looked over towards the buildings behind her. “I’m kind of tired and we should help Pema with dinner.”

Korra pouted. “Please? I’m really having fun.”

Fortunately for the Avatar, the puppy dog eyes move still worked like a charm on Asami. She sighed and got back into position.

“Fine. Five more minutes.”

Korra flashed her lopsided smile and charged ahead. Asami easily deflected her blows for a couple minutes. But it was obvious she was losing ground, the exhaustion of the day creeping up on her.

“Giving up already?” Korra teased when she noticed.

“Shut up.”

The playful tone was missing in her voice. That should have been Korra’s first red flag. But she launched another attack on her girlfriend, swirling around with all her might. Asami raised her arm a second too late and took Korra’s foot straight to the chest, sending her flying backwards into the dirt. Korra was kneeling beside her in an instant.

“Are you okay?”

She checked her over for injuries, guilt creeping into her bones and settling in her heart. Asami pushed her hands off of her, pressing a hand against her own sternum, wincing.

“I told you I was tired but you just had to keep pushing, didn’t you?”

Korra felt like she’d just been slapped across the face. “I just thought it would be good to exercise a bit more so you can sleep better tonight and – “

The glare she received for that explanation shut her up mid-sentence. Asami got back on her feet, still rubbing her chest. “You’re kidding, right? I told you this isn’t your problem to fix, Korra!”

Korra scrambled to her feet as well.

“I know you said that but you’re my girlfriend! I can’t just sit around and watch you suffer.”

Asami took a deep breath, angrily ripping off her sparring gear and throwing it to the ground. “Well, the only time I’ve _suffered_ was a minute ago when you knocked the wind out of me.”

Korra wanted to cry and scream at the same time. She felt terrible.

“I’m so sorry, I meant well and overdid it.” She hesitated to touch Asami, knowing she’d be rejected. “Please, let me take a look at your chest. I can heal any bruises or and help with broken bones –“

“You didn’t break anything, get over yourself,” Asami mumbled before brushing past Korra, the latter hot on her heels. “Just don’t pull this kind of thing again.”

Korra took a chance and put her hand on Asami’s shoulder, gently stopping her and turning her around.

“I’m sorry, okay?”

Asami searched her face for something, tense brows slowly softening at whatever she saw there. Korra anxiously held her breath until Asami finally cupped her cheek, leaning in to press their lips together for just a moment.

“I know. Let’s go.”

* * *

Korra still felt bad all evening, even as Asami had clearly left her initial anger out there in the training grounds after her apology. When they were getting ready for bed that night in the small bathroom at the end of the hall, she caught a glimpse of the angry bruise her foot had left on her girlfriend’s chest, pretty high up on her sternum. Before Asami could put her nightshirt on, Korra came up to her with glowing water already swirling in her palm. Asami raised a fine eyebrow.

“Come on, ‘Sami,” Korra pleaded. “That must hurt.”

Asami looked in the mirror on the wall, tracing the purple patch on her skin. She turned back to Korra.

“It’s really not that bad but I know it’s killing you so go ahead.”

Korra smiled gratefully, getting to work. An injury like this was nothing, really, in terms of healing. It only took a few moments for the bruise to disappear. Once she lowered her hands again, Asami pulled her shirt on and Korra handed her the rest of her clothes. Korra opened her mouth but Asami shook her head.

“You’ve apologized enough already. We’re okay, Korra.”

Korra stepped into her space, wrapping her arms around Asami and burying her face in her neck. Asami chuckled but hugged her back, pressing a kiss to the side of Korra’s head. Korra pulled back far enough to be able to look her in the eyes. She smiled.

“What?” Asami asked.

“You look amazing with your full face of makeup, of course, but I like this even better,” Korra explained. “I still think that every night.”

Asami smirked. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

Korra stole a couple kisses before Asami all but yawned into her mouth and they both broke apart, laughing.

“Come on, time for bed.”

This time, it was soft whimpers that woke Korra in the early morning hours. She knew it was her bedmate before she was even fully conscious, familiar with the sound by now. Asami was wrapped in a ball next to her, clutching her arms to her chest, fingernails pressing into her skin and threatening to break it. Korra instantly wrapped herself around her from behind, wordlessly absorbing the quiet sobs. It wasn’t the first time they did this routine and it worked tonight as well. Long after Asami had cried herself to sleep, Korra made a decision.

* * *

“You, me, Spirit World. Tonight.”

Asami briefly looked up from the report she was reading as Korra entered her office – this time through the door like a regular person.

“Try using full sentences, Korra.”

Korra sank into the chair in front of Asami’s desk, her leg bouncing up and down. Asami raised an eyebrow.

“The best place to meditate is the Spirit World and I think it would maybe help with your nightmares. I know it helps me.”

Asami’s face was unreadable. She was in work mode, using that poker face all day, and Korra mentally kicked herself for bringing this up now.

“I’m terrible at meditating,” she said calmly. “You know that.”

Korra did know that. They’d tried to meditate together years ago and that hadn’t gone well at all. If your mind is always buzzing, it’s hard to silence it enough for it to be helpful. Korra could relate but she’d worked on it enough for it to be one of her favorite things to do now.

“It’s still worth a shot. I can guide you and maybe it’s better now. I know you liked the Spirit World so why not?”

Asami put her pen down, shaking her head. “What do I have to do to make you drop this?”

“Talk to me,” Korra said simply. “Let me in. I know it’s been a crazy few months or maybe even years if you think about everything we’ve been through. I’ve had no choice but to face all that and process it but I don’t think you’ve put in the work. Not really. So, let me help with that.”

Finally, Asami’s neutral façade cracked. She bit her lip, looking out the window and shaking her head again. Korra kept going, putting it all on the table.

“You miss your dad, I know that. You also miss your mom but you won’t talk about her at all. Not since Hiroshi…left. And that day was horrible but you don’t want to think about it so it haunts you at night when you should be resting.”

Korra could see tears glistening in Asami’s tired eyes. She didn’t want to make her cry but something told her that this was good, this was progress.

“’Sami, please.”

Finally, Asami met her gaze again, a couple tears rolling down her cheeks. She cleared her throat.

“You’re right,” she said, voice tight. “Of course I miss them but there’s nothing I can do about that. I can’t bring them back and I’ve had to accept that a very long time ago.”

Korra smiled sadly, feeling brave. “We could still visit them.”

The suggestion hung in the air for a moment.

“And how would that help?” Asami sounded desperate, bottom lip quivering in a way that made Korra want to apologize for even bringing this up. Curse Mako and his ideas. “What good would that do?”

“I don’t know but facing Zaheer helped me with my stuff so maybe facing them will do something for you.”

Asami wiped her tears away, careful not to ruin her makeup. She took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

Korra didn’t expect her to just agree so easily. “Okay?”

Asami shrugged, looking defeated. “It’s not like I have anything to lose.”

* * *

The next day, Korra picked up Asami from work a bit early with Naga. Republic City’s biggest cemetery was located on the outskirts of the city, almost hidden behind one of its many park areas. They left Naga at the gate near the temple before walking through the sea of tombstones. It was a beautiful day, really. The setting sun bathed the numerous plants and flowers in a beautiful soft glow. Korra didn’t have any relatives in Republic City and they had different customs in the Southern Water Tribe, but she’d been here for Hiroshi’s funeral only a few months ago, was familiar with the Sato grave at the far end of the cemetery.

She glanced at Asami as they walked in silence. She was clutching a fresh bouquet of beautiful fire lilies against her chest, the other hand occupied with swinging a small wooden bucket back and forth. Korra waited patiently when she filled it with water at a fountain a bit further down the path, maintaining their silence. She played with the incense sticks in her own hands, suddenly unsure if this was a good idea after all. She didn’t feel very competent in the grief department, having never gone through losing a loved one. Sure, she’d lost herself for a long time but somehow, she wondered if those things were even comparable. After all, it was a painful but temporary loss. But here was Asami, someone whose life was pretty much defined by tragedy.

“Come on, Korra.”

Asami’s soft voice interrupted her train of thought. She nodded, following her girlfriend as they approached her family’s grave in a secluded area. It was one of the most well-kept graves in the entire cemetery and certainly very few had their own little gate and a gorgeous view of the mountains in the distance. Even in death, money made a difference.

Asami noticed her staring at the freshly cut plant next to the headstone.

“My father hired someone who works at the temple here to take care of my mother’s stone after she died.” She placed the bucket on the ground, taking a deep breath. “He couldn’t stand the idea of her soul not being looked after every day when he couldn’t come himself.”

Korra nodded. “He must have loved her very much.”

She watched as Asami placed the flowers on the stone, their colorfulness lighting up the entire grave. She looked up at the inscription of her father’s name, then her mother’s right next to it.

“Hey, mom. Dad.”

Her voice was so quiet that Korra could barely catch her words. But if she expected Asami to launch into a grief-stricken monologue right away, she was sorely mistaken. Instead, Asami rearranged the lilies again until she was satisfied with their appearance and then poured some water from the bucket over the beautiful tombstone, ever so slowly.

Finally, she stood and gestured for Korra to place the incense sticks next to the flowers. Korra held two fingers into the air, producing the smallest flame. She carefully lit the sticks one by one, watching the smoke rise.

Once there was nothing left to do, Korra stood next to Asami, mimicking her posture and folding her hands in front of her in prayer. Neither of them said a word for a while. They just watched the sticks burn, their pleasant smell hanging in the air between them. Korra took that time to silently thank Asami’s parents for giving her the best friend and partner a girl could ask for. She’d done so before but never directly at their final resting place. It felt good. Korra wasn’t afraid to say those things out loud, but she didn’t want to interrupt whatever moment Asami was having. This wasn’t about her.

A hesitant hand touching hers pulled her out of her own thoughts. She looked over, noting how Asami’s cheeks glistened in the faint sunlight. She wrapped an arm around Asami’s waist, gently pulling her into her side. Asami’s body was trembling, unable to speak but also unable to tear her eyes away from the names on the headstone.

“It’s okay,” Korra whispered into her ear. “Take your time. We can stay for as long as you want.”

She clung to Korra, catching her breath for a few more moments, inhaling her scent. Grounding herself. At last, she pulled away and wiped at her eyes, squaring her shoulders. She cleared her throat a few times. Korra let go of her waist but not her hand.

“I always tell you what’s on my mind when I come here, mom, so I won’t break that tradition now.” She swallowed hard, her voice tight with emotion. “I’m sorry I don’t visit as much anymore. I’ll work on that, I promise. A lot has changed since dad joined you but I’m okay.” She glanced at Korra for a moment. “More than okay, actually. So, I just wanted to say that I miss you and I wish you were here with us. The same goes for you, dad. I’m so sorry for what happened. It’s just not fair. We could have…” She seemed to collect herself for a minute, swallowing hard. “Well, the point is I miss you both and I hope you’re happy again, together. Don’t be too hard on him for his mistakes, mom. He made up for them in the end.”

Korra’s sniffles caught Asami’s attention. She let herself be pulled into Korra’s arms, both of them letting the tears fall freely.

* * *

After a somber evening, the two of them retreated to Asami’s place again. Korra was on kitchen duty, stirring the noodle soup in the pot and thinking about her own parents. It was inevitable. She didn’t know what she would do without them. Growing up with the White Lotus monitoring her every move was hard but her parents had still shaped her more than all the training in the world ever could. Her mom was her rock, her dad her hero. She was so thankful for their support especially in recent years. When she was healing, after she left them, the way they approved of Asami. It was everything.

She heard Asami come up behind her before she felt slender arms sneak around her waist.

“I’m almost done,” Korra told her, leaning back into her warmth.

Asami buried her face in the crook of Korra’s neck, inhaling deeply and squeezing her waist again. She’d been uncharacteristically clingy all evening since they got back from the cemetery and Korra both loved all the affection but hated what had triggered it. She patted Asami’s arm gently.

“I can’t cook like this, you know? It’s almost impossible to burn soup but watch me mess this up anyway.”

Asami huffed into her neck. She turned Korra to face her, framing her face with both hands. Korra looked at her, raising an eyebrow, clearly amused. But Asami’s gaze was so intense that it wiped her smile right off her face.

“My mom would have adored you,” she whispered. “She valued loyalty above all else.”

“I wish I could have met her,” Korra whispered back. “I told her that earlier, actually.”

She was met with a watery smile and leaned in to kiss it away. When they broke apart, Asami angrily wiped at her eyes. After her much-needed hot shower, there was no makeup to smear this time around.

“Didn’t think I had any tears left to cry, to be honest,” she mumbled, releasing a shaky laugh and taking a step back. Korra kept her close, planting another kiss on her lips, ignoring the slightly salty taste.

“You’ve held them in for far too long, I guess,” Korra said. “Katara always says it’s bad if you don’t express your feelings, whatever they are. She’s big on not bottling things up.”

Asami nodded, studying Korra’s eyes. She smiled, brightly this time.

“Thank you for today.”

Korra studied her. “How do you feel?”

They’d already talked about it a little on the way home but Korra still wasn’t sure this had been a good idea. Asami took the billionth deep breath that day. But her smile didn’t waver.

“I miss them a little more today but I still feel better, I think.”

“I’m glad.”

Korra turned back to the stove but felt Asami’s presence linger behind her.

“What is it?” she asked without looking.

Silence. Then-

“Can we go again next week?”

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not Japanese nor do I practice Shinto or Buddhism but I did my research for this fic on Japanese burial/funeral customs. I do think it's sad how Western TLOK is compared to ATLA so I tried to bring some of that back. Do let me know if I got something wrong and I will make adjustments.
> 
> I also have a companion piece for this pretty much ready to go. It's a bit longer and from Asami's POV about Korra's issues. Let me know if you'd be interested.


End file.
